Houseplants seeking neglectful owners.
Because ain’t nobody got time for that.
The Snake Plant
Forgetful waterers, fear not. The Snake Plant can survive for weeks at a time without any love or attention. It adapts easily to low light and has very few insect problems. Not only is this plant incredibly tolerant, it also improves the air quality in your home.
The English Ivy
Great for covering up random outlets you never use or that stain from your last Christmas party, the English Ivy is useful, attractive, and nearly impossible to kill. All your ivy wants in return is moist soil and cool temperatures. That’s not too much to ask.
The Pothos Plant
This undemanding plant is beautiful, great in low light, and will live even if you forget to water it. Seriously. If you only water it once you start to notice that it’s looking wilted, you’ll have a happy relationship for years to come. Never has neglect looked so good.
The ZZ plant
A plant as lazy as it sounds. It’s perfect for people who want to own plants but really have no idea how to keep them alive. The ZZ plant enjoys moderate levels of sunlight but is also totally fine to live in low levels of light. It prefers staying dry and alone, so you can feel moderately responsible for its existence without doing much watering or work.
What makes a plant, a plant? That is the question. Apparently, soil is not the answer, as these plants don’t even need it to survive. You can literally hang them in midair in a decorative vase you bought from the thrift store a few weeks ago, prop them on a bookshelf, or simply place it on your windowsill. To keep it alive, dunk it in water for 2-3 hours every 10 days (ish).
Words by Chloe Popove 1/2 of Girls Who Say Fuck.